Smeared Type

By Nancy Werking Poling, author of Out of the Pumpkin Shell (Spinsters Ink)

and the forthcoming Had Eve Come First and Jonah Been a Woman (Wipf & Stock)

I’ve become more argumentative now that I’m—yes, I have to say it—now that I’m old. I’m less likely to be tolerant of people expressing —yes, I have to say this, too—dumb or insensitive things. So when a life coach started a conversation on a LinkedIn group page for Boomers, I considered stating my opinion, thought better of it, then changed my mind and took her to task. (I probably wouldn’t be on LinkedIn were social networking not considered a necessity for marketing a book these days.)

Here’s what she said: “Now – figure out how you can be of unique use in that arena of your interest and/or passion by tapping on the depth of your rich and varied background and your proven tenacity to get what you want. Luck has nothing to do with it.”

Words read by me, Nancy W. Poling, who thinks brides should walk down the aisle to the strains of “With a Little Bit of Luck,” and who regularly considers how lucky she is to have inherited her mother’s optimistic outlook rather than her father’s bi-polar condition.

I responded: “It’s easy for those of us who have met our goals to credit our own tenacity; yet we probably all know people who have met roadblocks everywhere they turn….” The life coach and I continued for several rounds, neither of us convincing the other of a misguided viewpoint.

Luck, I think, has everything (maybe I should say, a lot) to do with it: the circumstances of our birth, our socio-economic level, the country in which we reside, our health, our genetic makeup. Sure, it’s possible to overcome the odds, but those who try and fall short should not be made to feel responsible for their situation.

Modern medicine and technology have given us a false sense that we can control our lives when in fact we can’t. Unexpected illnesses, accidents—some conditions are beyond our control. Yet some would have us believe that a smile, a positive attitude, and resolve are all it takes to stay healthy, make money, find the perfect mate, and be happy.

Now I’m not dis-ing a smile, a positive attitude, or determination. They’re useful qualities. But do they indicate an individual’s complexity or depth of character? What about the dogged person fighting injustice? The one who regularly speaks of her distress over the environment? The one whose chronic depression is genetically based? A soldier with PTSD? A father who struggles to feed and clothe his children? How insensitive it is for those of us not in such a situation to suggest that a positive attitude and determination will make the problems go away. Those who struggle deserve our empathy, not our advice to “turn crisis into opportunity.”

I’ve been reading Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. I’m saying, “Amen” at the turn of every page. Ehrenreich writes, in regard to Americans’ obsession with gaining success or wealth or happiness: “The question is why should one be so inwardly preoccupied at all. Why not reach out to others in love and solidarity or peer into the natural world for some glimmer of understanding” (page 96)?

People who live such lives—they, not the ones with forced smiles and perkiness—they’re the ones worth knowing.

I stayed up late last night, working on an article with a deadline in two days. I resisted the temptation to check the arrival of e-mails every time my BlackBerry vibrated. When I finally type the period at the end, it was 1:15 AM. Despite the late hour, I opened my e-mail.

“My youngest daughter….has been diagnosed with cancer,” My friend Larry’s email jumped into view. “Things could hardly be darker,” he continued. “Count your blessings.” I sat straight on my chair, totally shocked out of my sleepiness.

It happens that I am serving on a panel to evaluate the works of nonfiction writers who have applied for residency at Ragdale, an artist retreat center, for the summer of ’09. Out of the ten 20-page writing samples I have reviewed so far, four are on the subject of cancer—dealing with the pains of seeing a loved one dying of cancer or handling one’s own struggle with the recurrence of cancer. I am no stranger to cancer either, having lost my father and my youngest uncle to lung cancer in the last six months.

Words became pale when I tried to express my feelings and concerns. In the end, I went to bed without writing back. Despite feeling exhausted, however, I couldn’t sleep. I imagined what Larry’s daughter had to go through, knowing she had recently gone through a divorce and had two small children to care for. I twisted and turned, the struggles of the cancer victims presented in the writings I had just read came to mind.

“Count your blessings.” Yes. We should all appreciate the good health we have and give love and inspiration and help to those we care. “here is no other way,” thought. As I made effort to think positively, I remembered a recent conversation I had with Yuan, a Chinese friend of mine. Her father was also persecuted during the Cultural Revolution. When he was stripped of his high-official position and made a clerk to handle the receipt of mails and newspapers, he told the young Yuan that the work was easy and he enjoyed its simplicity. When he was deprived of this position and sent to the countryside for labor reform, he wrote to his family, saying he loved the beauty of natur in the country. “He was a born optimist!” Yuan said, stating her father was her role model.

“Count your blessings,” I eventually drifted into sleep with the message lingering in my mind.

Jian Ping, author of Mulberry Child: A Memoir of China. www.mulberrychild.com