Smeared Type

 It was at the Women’s Leadership Summit at Benediction University (BU) in Lisle, Illinois when I received a surprise question from one woman in the audience. I was the first of the three speakers at the Summit.  More than two hundred women and a few men attended the half day event. This year marked the 3^rd annual summit, which is the brain child of Dr. Gill, Dean of the Business School at BU.

It was inspiring to see so many women from the community gather together in the Krasa Student Center, ten grouped at a table where lunch was offered after the main session. I shared the stories of the female role models in my life: Nainai, my grandmother and my mother. Their strength, courage, and integrity tested at the most difficult time of our lives served as defining moments for me, and I always draw inspiration from their examples when I run into adversities in my life. I showed the audience pictures of Nainai, an illiterate, gentle looking woman with bound feet, yet most extraordinary; and my mother, a strong, retired school administrator and government official who would rather break than bend when faced with persecution. I could feel the audience related to the experiences of my mother and grandmother as I spoke.

“Where do you think your mother and grandmother’s strength come from?” one woman asked.

I explained the difference between my mother and grandmother and my understanding of the origin of their strength: hardship in life and devotion to a life-long commitment.

Then a woman raised a question that took me by surprise: “If you were born a son, do you think your life would have been different?”

I gave a long-winded answer, addressing the traditional value placed on male and female in Chinese culture, the one child policy which intensified the gender preference, and my own life. “Born into a family of many strong women,” I heard myself saying. “I don’t think my life would have been different if I were born a male.” I mumbled. Even as I was making the statement, I knew I should make a distinction between home and career. I had just talked about the gender discrimination I headed right into when I got my first job in Beijing. My career path would have been drastically different if I were a male.

As I tried to reign in my thought and articulate them, I saw the microphone was passed to another woman who had her hand in mid air. I moved on and never adequately addressed the hypothesis of what if.

Why was I so defensive about my life as a female? Why didn’t I come out straight and state that it was impossible to imagine how different my life would have been had I been born a male; however, I was certain it would be very different. But because of the adversities I had encountered in my life as a female, I have become who I am today—going abroad to study as a result of fighting discrimination and resulting in a much richer, multicultural life and career. Difficult as it was sometimes, I have learned so much and benefited from the experience. I would not trade it for “being a male.”

I wish I could track down the woman who had raised the question. But I had to leave the Summit early to catch a flight to go out of town. But despite my inadequate in addressing the question, I was grateful that she asked. It made me ponder and realize that I am proud to be a woman.

I felt empowered, equally if not more, by attending the Summit. The other two speakers, Jean Holley and Arin Reeves were inspiring to listen to. What a wonderful idea to organize such a conference and what a well-organized summit.

Jian Ping, author of Mulberry Child: A Memoir of China. www.mulberrychild.com