Smeared Type

By Nancy Werking Poling, author of Out of the Pumpkin Shell (Spinsters Ink)

and the forthcoming Had Eve Come First and Jonah Been a Woman (Wipf & Stock)

I’ve become more argumentative now that I’m—yes, I have to say it—now that I’m old. I’m less likely to be tolerant of people expressing —yes, I have to say this, too—dumb or insensitive things. So when a life coach started a conversation on a LinkedIn group page for Boomers, I considered stating my opinion, thought better of it, then changed my mind and took her to task. (I probably wouldn’t be on LinkedIn were social networking not considered a necessity for marketing a book these days.)

Here’s what she said: “Now – figure out how you can be of unique use in that arena of your interest and/or passion by tapping on the depth of your rich and varied background and your proven tenacity to get what you want. Luck has nothing to do with it.”

Words read by me, Nancy W. Poling, who thinks brides should walk down the aisle to the strains of “With a Little Bit of Luck,” and who regularly considers how lucky she is to have inherited her mother’s optimistic outlook rather than her father’s bi-polar condition.

I responded: “It’s easy for those of us who have met our goals to credit our own tenacity; yet we probably all know people who have met roadblocks everywhere they turn….” The life coach and I continued for several rounds, neither of us convincing the other of a misguided viewpoint.

Luck, I think, has everything (maybe I should say, a lot) to do with it: the circumstances of our birth, our socio-economic level, the country in which we reside, our health, our genetic makeup. Sure, it’s possible to overcome the odds, but those who try and fall short should not be made to feel responsible for their situation.

Modern medicine and technology have given us a false sense that we can control our lives when in fact we can’t. Unexpected illnesses, accidents—some conditions are beyond our control. Yet some would have us believe that a smile, a positive attitude, and resolve are all it takes to stay healthy, make money, find the perfect mate, and be happy.

Now I’m not dis-ing a smile, a positive attitude, or determination. They’re useful qualities. But do they indicate an individual’s complexity or depth of character? What about the dogged person fighting injustice? The one who regularly speaks of her distress over the environment? The one whose chronic depression is genetically based? A soldier with PTSD? A father who struggles to feed and clothe his children? How insensitive it is for those of us not in such a situation to suggest that a positive attitude and determination will make the problems go away. Those who struggle deserve our empathy, not our advice to “turn crisis into opportunity.”

I’ve been reading Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. I’m saying, “Amen” at the turn of every page. Ehrenreich writes, in regard to Americans’ obsession with gaining success or wealth or happiness: “The question is why should one be so inwardly preoccupied at all. Why not reach out to others in love and solidarity or peer into the natural world for some glimmer of understanding” (page 96)?

People who live such lives—they, not the ones with forced smiles and perkiness—they’re the ones worth knowing.

by Nancy Werking Poling

author of OUT OF THE PUMPKIN SHELL

My mother, born in 1919, worked her whole adult life as a “secretary”—a secretary who did the hiring and firing, bookkeeping, etc. for a chain of three pharmacies.  She worked for secretary wages. Frequently the owner of the stores took off for his vacation home, leaving her in charge. Once, when she complained to him about being overworked, he gave her a ten-dollar bill and said, “Here, go buy a new hat.” Rather than be mollified, she was insulted.

I’ve always thought she had the skills to run a major corporation. She worked fulltime, prepared all of the family’s meals, kept the house orderly, was active in our church, and served as president of the PTA. My science teacher told me he’d never seen anyone conduct PTA business as efficiently as she did.

I’m aware of how times have changed when I see the accomplishments of my daughter. The mother of four, she has her own business. Unlike my mother, she can afford to pay someone to clean her house. When she gets unusually busy she sends out the laundry. Being health-conscious, I wish her family didn’t eat out so much, but I’m glad she doesn’t have the full responsibility of meal preparation.

As an author I’ve discovered I am now a business woman too. Since business acumen seems to have skipped a generation, I feel lost in this world I’ve been thrust into. Attending marketing seminars for authors and reading numerous books, I’ve learned about the necessity of utilizing modern social media. So I blog; I have a Facebook page; I tweet; I am in LinkedIn.

Though I’ve been participating in all these somewhat reluctantly and still am not convinced of their merits, I’m finding unexpected pleasures. In Twitter I’ve created Old Lady, a character who is sort of me but sort of isn’t, and that’s been fun.

But it’s LinkedIn that has inspired me. Since I’m trying to think of myself as a business woman, I joined the group Woman2Woman Business. One of the discussions invites group members to write brief autobiographical statements. Women, 749 of them, describe their entrepreneurship in the fields of finance, construction, design, publishing, translating, funeral services. Many report having quit jobs to pursue dreams. Some, having lost jobs, have embarked on new careers.

I don’t know if social networking will bring me new readers, but I’m loving my connections with LinkedIn women. They inspire me with their drive, knowledge, and sense of adventure.

Oh, if my mother had only been born into a time such as this.