By: Ellis Goodman
Since I’m engaged in real estate investment and development, I sympathize with Noah and his problems.
Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.
along with a few good humans.
You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard –
but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, ‘but things have changed.
I need a building permit.
I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark ‘s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that accommodations were toorestrictive, and that it is cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they conducted an environmental impact study on your propsed flood.
Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work.
The Trades Unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming
I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a double rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?’
‘No,’ said the Lord. I’ve just put it off for a few weeks, but I’m afraid Noah you’ve lost the contract, which I’ve now given to Noa Li in Shanghai. He got the Ark built in 60 days and filled it with all the animals. There were no protests, and the Chinese Government supported the contract and are eager to work with me on a number of other projects.
Sorry, Noah, I thought you could get the job done in California because you used to be so good at this sort of thing. But it seems you can’t get anything done these days, so I’m going to have to give a lot more business to emerging nations now.
And here endeth the lesson for today.
Ellis M. Goodman, author of Bear Any Burden: www.bearanyburden.com