A Child without Aspiration
Asian children, especially Chinese, are known in the U.S. as academic high achievers. They come from cultures that value education and consider college degree a ticket to advance in life.
A recent encounter I had with a young man, Ning, the nephew of Mei, a close friend of mine, took me by surprise. Ning grew up in China. Last year, his parents sent him to the U.S. to pursue his college degree. Ning, the only child, showed no interest in study. Reportedly, he had failed every grade school he attended. Each time he reached a dead end, his parents would mobilize their network of connections and transfer him to another school. Knowing he could not get into a reputable college in China, Ning’s mother entrusted him to the hands of Mei.
Ning failed all three courses in his first year at a university.
“Life in the U.S. is too hard,” he lamented and begged to be allowed to go back to China.
His mother insisted that he stay and get a bachelor degree.
Ning resisted passively. He wouldn’t register for his classes if my friend, his aunt, didn’t take him to do so. He couldn’t take care of himself either—he didn’t feel comfortable to go out to eat on his own and was upset that his aunt set him up in a school dorm instead of letting him stay in her home and taking care of his daily needs, including transportation. Out of compassion and family duty, Mei checked on him frequently. More often than not, she would find him sleeping in his dorm in the middle of the day, skipping his classes.
“I don’t care if I sweep floors as a janitor in China,” Ning would say.
Ning’s mother, who had never been abroad, would not hear any of that. She begged Mei to help out her only son. Mei coached Ning, hired tutors for him, and even offered to accompany him to study in the library together, all to no avail.
“I’m at my wit’s end,” she said.
I stopped by Ning’s dorm once with my friend. He turned away before I could say hi when Mei introduced me.
“My room is a mess,” he mumbled.
I watched the unmade bed, the littered floor with socks, pants, t-shirts, instant noodles and water bottles. He blocked the sun by lowering the window blinds, and the small dorm was semi-dark and suffocating. I observed him from the doorway. To my surprise, he was tall and handsome. If I could ignore the brief one or two word syllables he uttered in responses to Mei’s questions, I would say he appeared very smart.
The deadline for class registration for the fall had come and gone, but he didn’t do a thing.
My friend gave a deep sigh when we reached her car.
“I’ll call his mother and ask her to send him to the military for some good training,” she said.
“Is this an example of the little “emperor and empress” generation?” “What can parents do if their child has no aspiration for life?” I wondered. “And how much is Ning’s problem resulted from his parents’ over protection and indulgency?” Seeing Mei’s anguish, I didn’t utter a word.
Jian Ping, author of Mulberry Child: A Memoir of China. www.mulberrychild.com
Tags: aspiration, child, Chinese, Parenting
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